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I was reading the March 2011 Dallas Child Magazine and on page 69 is the Dallas County Culture blip on dinner out with the kids. Specifically the question was, “Do you take your children to upscale eateries? If so, how do you keep their behavior in check?”

“Good question,” I thought, but the answers were terrible! What are these people thinking?…ARE these people thinking? More than half of the parents mentioned entertaining their children with an electronic device. One said that they don’t even bother taking the kids out, and one mentioned that they just “feed him to keep him occupied.” Heartbreaking! That there would be so much opportunity to get to know their children and they either park them in front of an iPad or stuff their mouths full so that they can’t speak. It appears to be a general consensus that children need to be entertained at the dinner table, treated to a “kid friendly” restaurant, or completely excluded from from the night out. To that I say, “Baloney!”

Children these days don’t need entertainment! They need knowledge, inclusion, and experience. Poor things! I feel that children (even regular people) will rise to the level of expectation that we as parents set for them. If we expect them to be high maintenance at the dinner table they will be. If we expect them to need constant electronic entertainment they will.  If they exhibit such behavior as to warrant exclusion from the evening because they are bored, well guess what, you have a recurring situation. And this surprises you?

On the flip side if we value our children’s input and include them in conversations many times it proves to be enlightening (or hilarious at the very least) for everyone at the table. Political debates with a five year old? Sure! Moral discussions with a 13-year old? Absolutely! A “Birds and Bees” talk with a seven year old? Ah, even a big “YES” to that one! How in the world can that possibly be? Take my virtual little hand, and I shall show you…

The best behaved children are those whose presence is valued at the dinner table. (snort) Did you laugh at that one? “How can you ‘value’ a screaming two year old?” Good question, and you’ve already answered it. Your body language and your attitude have the greatest affect on your family. If you don’t look forward to having your children at the dinner table what do you think they are going to do? Try to get some attention? Right! So, how do they do that? Most choose the loud ill behaved manner. Your child will get your attention by humiliating you in public - works every time. But what if you gave your child your undivided attention? What if you gave your child the opportunity to have some control? That’s what they are trying to tell you. “I can do it,” can be expressed in may ways, but most youngsters choose to express it in the shortened version - “NO!!!” However, the message is usually lost in translation.

Let’s take a look at dinner out with your child taking in consideration what we want to accomplish - good behavior + quiet conversation + meaningful time spent together = a good experience for everyone. Now, giving your child full control of the situation would be parental suicide, and you would end up with a spoiled brat on your hands and another potentially miserable night out. There must be give and take with the parent obviously maintaining control of the situation overall.

Before you head out for the evening think about what might transpire. Consider situations that will offer opportunities for your child to exhibit some independence without sacrificing your control of the situation. For example, consider choosing the restaurant yourself and letting your child choose the table. This is an easy compromise. You control the most important element, namely where you go, and your child wins the battle of where to sit. (If you are particular about the table either relinquish control for one night or let them make a different choice). Leave ALL electronic devices at home. If you have to have your phone do not (except for an emergency situation) take it out. You must set the example for your child and show them that there can be a nice evening without Angry Birds.

When you sit down at the table remember to give your child your undivided attention. Dinner out is a wonderful time to get to know your children and let them get to know you (in a good mood). Now, ease of conversation will not come naturally at first. It takes a while to de-program your child from their previous expectations. Stand your ground! Keep asking them engaging questions and get their brains to reboot. One topic will eventually break through and they will begin the slow process of relearning how to hang around real people.

Choose a useful conversation. For example, explain the family rules of nutrition and let your child make her own dinner choice staying within the framework of your family rules. Ask her what she thinks. What has she learned about nutrition in school, Mother’s Day Out, or a friend’s house? You might consider interjecting some of her knowledge into your family rules, but it’s not necessary. Now let your daughter take these rules, combine them with the menu, and choose a dinner for herself. Ask her why she made her choices and how they support good eating habits. Let her impress you. Let her teach you something that you did not know. Afterwards, ask her how she liked her dinner? What would she do differently next time? These questions let her know that she has control, opinions, likes and dislikes that are uniquely hers - not demanded by you.

All of this gives her a sense of freedom from you and control of herself. At the end of the dinner discuss with her how pleasant dinner was. Tell her how much you enjoyed her good behavior and her conversation. Tell her that she made great dinner choices and taught you something that you did not know. If you think about it consider being in her shoes. Wouldn’t these comments make you feel good about yourself? If you had dinner with someone and they told you that they enjoyed your company, that your opinions and choices in life were good ones, that you were intelligent, and taught them something that they did not already know. Wouldn’t you want to go to dinner again and again with this person? You might even wish to try harder to impress him. It is the same for your child.

On the ride home sit back and enjoy what you have accomplished - intelligent behavior from your child, an enjoyable dinner for you, an education in nutrition, what some of your family values are, and the importance of adhering to the rules. Wow! All that in one night out? Good for you!

Next, tune in to learn how to get your children to willingly leave McDonald’s! Your friends will be so jealous!

Monday Aug. 16, I had the opportunity to experience the Kenmore Live Studio an innovation of the 21 century in downtown Chicago. The studio located at 678 N. Wells Street hosts and broadcast community events every Thursday through Sunday, with Monday evenings dedicated to healthy eating for kids. The events are free and open to the public they feature local chefs, fashion designers and many other Chicago groups. The events are open to all ages and broadcast live online at www.facebook.com/kenmore.

Click for a map to Kenmore Live Studio.

They are tied to the future of America and its health. So why don’t ALL our children have basic health care?

My other pet peeve is education, since our children are really the single most important strategic asset America has! Again, why don’t they have the best free education the world (America) has to offer? Our children grow up to be the leaders and the protectors of not only America’s assets but also the worlds. We finance other countries, our banks, and now the auto industry, with our children bearing the cost.

Investing in our children is investing in America’s future!